Thursday, October 22, 2009

Daring Rescue Leads to Safe Puppet

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In a frightful turn of events, what began as a commercial shoot ended in a suspenseful kidnapping & eventual rescue by two brave Capitol Theatre employees.

On Wednesday evening, Mr. Puppet* (not his real name) starred in a yet to be released television commercial shoot. No details were available at the time of this report, but it was believed that everything went as planned and that all involved parties were home and in bed by 9:00 PM.

However, when employees arrived at the Capitol Theatre administrative offices the following morning, a startling discovery was made. An email message and photo showed a blindfolded Mr. Puppet, clearly being held against his will. The accompanying message "$0.50 or the puppet sleeps with the puppet-fish!" clarified any doubts that our felt friend had been kidnapped!

Within the hour, a second picture and message had been sent. This time, Mr. Puppet was unmistakably under physical duress, as he was shown bound and under the glare of an interrogation lamp. "1 hour or you start receiving felt fingers, and then felt ears!" read the accompanying threat.

Ryan Messer, the Director of Donor Development for the Capitol Theatre, was nonplussed by the threats and called a press conference.

“The Capitol Theatre does not negotiate with terrorists. We will hunt this person down and we will find him,” he stated with the stomp of a large foot.

When a third photo was sent, showing Mr. Puppet precariously perched on top of a cooler filled with a vile, biohazard material—reeking oddly of soured, wet towels—Messer snapped, and grabbing Capitol Theatre stage manager Kandice Flowers announced, “We’re goin’ in!”
Within moments of entering the Theatre facility, the two brave rescuers had uncovered the whereabouts of a trembling Mr. Puppet, and had him sipping coffee and wrapped in a warm blanket. He was brought back to the administrative offices and was last seen resting comfortably on a couch.

In an interview following the daring rescue, Messer was overheard in a near rant. “We’ll catch that (beep)! “You just wait. We’ll hunt him down and smoke ‘im out!

For the full story in pictures, please visit:

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1 comment:

  1. Glad to know there are still heroes out there...